he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
Randomize
