Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
She was sitting there stuffing her face rubbing my back with a dorito cheese filled hand while eating something else with the other hand as I was crying.
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
James is trying to butt-heads with a moose. I don't know whether I should stop him or just sit back and watch where this goes.
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
STOP SENDING ME NAKED PICTURES WHEN I'M TRYING TO TEACH. MONDAY TUESDAY 1-3 IS A DICK AND ARSE FREE ZONE
I have hobbies that aren't destroying myself and others...i can make hats.....
Randomize
