I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
Well, I can't relate. I have no idea what it feels like to withhold sex. Or have self-control in general.
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
what customs doesn't know wont hurt them
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
Randomize
