i hope S**** or M***** or someone took note of the fact that i was drinking popov like water and could no longer form sentences. i mean, dont get me wrong i had been thinking about boning R*** long before my sobriety left the picture but the number of reasons not to, outweighed the temptation and without sir robert burnett as R***'s wingman, it would have never happened
3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
Is this a genuine concern or are you just high?
JUST BECAUSE I'M HIGH DOESN'T MEAN ITS NOT GENUINE CONCERN.
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
I'm excited for you as you venture towards new drug experiences
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
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