it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
I would like to add..this is the first november for two years that i haven't cheated on a bf...thank you..thank you
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off. Sounds like a solid way to start the weekend to me
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
I asked what you thought of her and you replied not the biggest I have had
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
Randomize
