I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
This ain't no lie cnn says sonny n cher's dtr chastity is going to have sex reassignment surgery to become a man named chaz
Not surprised. I always thought Cher was a very passable post op transexual.
I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
My balls had bee stings let's just leave it at that.
Her hair goes down to her lower back and nobody was there to held it back for her. She looked like chewbacca dipped in vomit.
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
Just out of curiosity. Did you wait until my fb picture was well liked by others before liking it so people won't know we're fucking?
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
Randomize
