I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
Is it possible to jerk off a nipple?
was it more than 30 minutes?
ya
then you're in a relationship
distance makes the heart seek blowjobs from girls that are closer i heard.
The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
No it was after you showed us his fraternaty letters shaven out of your pubes
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
Sorry it's taking so long, it's harder to take an ass pic with an iPad than you think
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
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