My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
You're my spirit guide. This has to do with oatmeal cream pies.
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
What we have is to special to throw away over a woman who spreads her butt cheeks on a pool table for me...
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
5 am booty call not ok. The fact I actually went over definitely not ok. My vag needs to learn some control.
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