Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
If I had a penis, I would stick it EVERYWHERE. I don't know what these guys are doing.
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
Three Architectural classes: $990.00 Architectural supplies: $300.00 Changing majors and using my architectural supplies to roll blunts: Priceless
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
But break dance skills will only take you so far
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
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