May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
it was beautiful and magic like when a hot girl grabs her own tits and smiles at you
Oh. They ARE dating. Kinda sad. Have such an urge to be a huge bitch and steal him but my morality is in the way. FUCK YOU MORALITY.
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
Just slept with my boyfriend's roomie to learn if bf was cheating on me
Good plan. When in doubt, sleep about.
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
how do you feel about lunch break shots ?
You act as if I'm the first person to pee in the Taco Bell drive thru at 2 AM, I'm sure a lot worse things have happen in that drive thru than my urine.
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
Randomize
