I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
Girls should come with a carfax report
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
I shaved last nite, you should see my cock it looks like a beautiful skyscraper
I am an advanced cybernetic robot sent back in time to 2013 to fuck my wife senseless for hours on end. Have you seen this wife?
Eddy, if you don't want to roll play then say so. This is just obnoxious
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
On this version of “Dean Can’t Be a Normal Fucking Human,” I told a guy I’d shove a tv up his ass. Recreationally.
Plasma, LED or OLED?
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
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