i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
Aside from the fact that there's a penis in my mouth, that's a pretty good picture of me
Smoked a joint and chugged some pepto. Feeling a lil better... Not sure which is working..... Gonna keep doing both.....
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
Randomize
