I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
don't get me wrong, i love how you're fun and free spirited. but there are some situations...like shooting down a bottle of sambuca standing in the shallow end topless surrounded by my friends
It was her first time with a girl so I put on my tegan and Sara playlist to really get the full experience.
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
As a member of the kink community, I feel grossly misrepresented
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
Randomize
