you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
Its funny that for once I get home and I'm just as high as my parents are.
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
She looks well worn, presumably from a cavalcade of penis.
School starts Thursday. Don't fling yourself out of the car to throw up screaming "classy" before I park this time.
It's a new year.
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
I think everyone, including the amish, know who you are after this weekend.
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
Nice. I got home at like 3am.stopped at Walmart for a vacuum and weirdly a trash can. Not sure why high me last night needed a new trashcan.
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
Randomize
