She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
Well I don't think you could recreate that hangover if you tried. It was like the perfect storm of hangovers.
Over it. He probably jacked off to bible verses last night. I don't want that
I hope my theory books are in my locker, but if not, I guess I can always share with you.
Who said I want to share with you?
You've sucked my dick, I'm pretty sure you don't care if I look at your theory book.
Just think, if your stepsister would've gotten knocked up 2 years earlier, she could've had a TV show. What a bitch.
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
He has what he calls a "Ben Franklin". It's a pubic hairdo based on the man himself; long on the sides and bald in the middle.
I'm going to be fiscally responsible and buy a handle.
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
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