We have to talk through the words with friends chat so his gf won't find out
On the bright side, at least we arent the generation raised by fucked up teen moms.
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
if they didn't want us to do blow at uni, why would they make textbooks so smooth?
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
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