I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
I got a snap of someone jumping off a light pole. Was that you? Please confirm or deny. #onWisconsin
I'm assuming you were here at some stage because I woke up alone, clean and in a towel with mum asking my why my shoes, dress and jewellery were in the bottom of the shower.
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
Randomize
