I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
EW EW EW EW THAT PENIS BELONGS TO SOMEONE'S FATHER! THAT PENIS BELONGS TO OUR FRIEND'S FATHER! THAT PENIS HELPED CREATE OUR FRIEND! YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED TO ADMIRE IT!
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
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