Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
He had personality for days, but cock for only minutes
My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
I'm in the dining hall. that same guy is here again, the one who sits alone and talks to his silverware.
I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
Keywords: shitstorm, police, jail.
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
Randomize
