she was hot for a redneck and i dont look at teeth
Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
Just found out my 21st birthday is on a Wednesday. The possibilities are cheap, as well as endless.
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
Randomize
