What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
Nobody is wearing shirts anymore. What is happening.
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
he puked all over my guest bed and the said he felt good enough to clean it up. he poured bleach all over the bed and passed out in it. he had the chemiacal burn for a month...
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
Do you think it would be weird to add her on Facebook?
You just commited a felony act together, I honestly think we're beyond this.
Randomize
