I was in a gas station that sold tazers and I just saw a billboard that said "Strippers, need we say more?" God I love Georgia!
of course. lets lasso hookers.
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
Much like Dre, I was forgotten about.
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
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