It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
I want to get my vag crammed with complete loss of every bit of dignity I have left by this man from every angle on every flat surface that exists. That is all.
Hey. I can't work your space dryer so I'm wearing your blanket home. I'll get my clothes later. Fun party!
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
It's okay, big boobs are better than running.
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
i texted "amiibo vore" to my insurance agent instead of someone else. do you think they'll raise my rates out of disgust?
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
He ate me out on a washing machine in the 24 hour laundromat. Whoever watches that security camera footage is getting a show!
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