he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
I've come to the conclusion, I should prob have at least 20 hr supervision. I would say 24, but I'm guaranteed to pass out for at least 4 hrs a day
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
Randomize