I hate all girls vehemently.
So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
I just put anything in between my legs and hope for the best.
I've never watched DWTS before, but this show's got Pamela Anderson, Erin Andrews and Brooke Burke: 3 of my top 10 all time most masturbated to women.
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
Teenager with grandparents staying in their room: is to blue balls, as parent waiting for teen to come home safe: is to sleep. You will live- love mom
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
Randomize
