So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
I shaved my pussy for you. If you complain about a single hair that I missed again, you will be greeted by a bush the next time you go down on me and i will MAKE YOU KEEP GOING
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something.
My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket.
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
Dude respond to my evite. You're either coming to the orgy or not.
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
Randomize