waiting in line for my ID. the kid in front of me reaks of hopes and dreams and hornyness-- freshmen by calvin klein
i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
But I was triple fisting doubles, that's bound to be a good time. Might have a broken collarbone though.
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
So much rum. So many feels.
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
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