he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
On the good side I got hit on by a cute college guy. But the bad side was having sex in a frat house for first time in 9 years
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
Randomize
