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tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
Its like he woke the dragon, and the dragon is hungry for a good dick.
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
Had sex outside for the third time last night. Mosquito bites all over my ass, and i think i have a rash on my nipples. When will i learn.
Just wait till winter
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
Randomize
