I heard we made out
you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
I have to touch the horse lube. :-(
Randomize
