If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
I REALLY appreciate you guys taking care of me when im wasted but i think its weird when i wake up in different clothes than black out in
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
Cum just came out of my nose. That is all.
Everyone got an underage but her
How'd she get out of it?!
She hid in the FUCKING DRYER
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
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