I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
Ed hardy stationary at walmart. I'm betting snookie wishes she knew how to write
Hmmm just stalked him and according to his facebook he wants "whatever he can get." obviously he'd be open to the idea.
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
1 month til my stepdad becomes a u.s. citizen, so if you want to get in on the divorce pool its your last chance, $5 a square.
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
Old men love us. For they have fine taste and disturbing minds.
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
Ccatlin cimbing thru th sunroof plz come
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
Randomize
