Just made out with a pet sitter. His biz card says "even hamsters". Lowest point in my life.
man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
We aren't going to mix hockey and sex texts tonight.
I totally agree. all sexting is on hold till after the games over.
Playoffs. This shit is serious.
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
I think i'm going to homewreck at this Disney on Ice show.
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
They had an Olympic theme party at her work yesterday. She brought home her fake gold medal and hung it on my cock after she rode me.
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
Randomize
