You dont understand. she was my french AND spanish teacher. that's 2 kinds of freaky. i have to find her on facebook.
If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
New year means new boundaries for the Brazilian lady.. I'm pretty sure I got wax on my asshole
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
Randomize
