Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
after last halloween when i met that 26yr old guy from russia who was hot until we madeout and he became obsessed with touching my forehead after the ecstasy he did and then tried to sell me pills from an m&m mini container, i think im staying away from parties downtown
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
so let me get this straight... she's showing a cameltoe that can be seen from the space station and I'm NOT supposed to stare?
No, and she still hasn't answered me...I get a whole series of text messages about Guatemalan anal bleaching but no fucking answer to my question.
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
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