I cockslap morals
It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
Ok so the guy below me is either having sex very loudly or is very lonely
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
I think he might be using me for sex. I also think I might be ok with that.
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
idk he wanted to trade sex for a triple order of hashbrowns
AND YOU SAID NO?????????
Randomize
