Can you really blame Steve Phillips? He went to Michigan. Plowing fat girls is a 100-level course there.
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
Dude imagine how many pictures of dicks Obama gets. That can't be unusual. Almost every kids in the US has written the president a letter.
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
I'm busy watching infomercials. I'd say I'll join you later, but I'm doing a shot every time they demonstrate how difficult life is WITHOUT this product. So I doubt I'll be able to walk in another... Maybe 40 minutes.
But feel free to join! A new infomercial starts in 12 minutes.
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
I shaved my asshole for this. That's real dedication.
I a very close black and white picture of my slightly erect penis and I blew it up put it in an art gallery for a show coming up and somebody bought it for 30 Grand!!!
Randomize
