Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
okay I'm thinking he doens't have a facebook...I'm on page 28 of Hunters
ok you need to stop NOW
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
Holy shit he's circumcised. His parents must have really loved him.
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
We are the rockettes of vaginal bleeding
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor
Randomize
