God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
You kept telling that ginger girl, "it's not your fault, it's not your fault, it's not your fault."
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
Did I at antime last saturday slip away and sign up for a prayer circle?
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
As in, legitimately worried. You just sent me a 6 message long text that did not contain any complete words.
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
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