HOW IN THE HELL DID YOU BLOW A .24?????
We were watching I'm a celebrity get me out of here and taking shots every time heidi said HALLELUJAH, and started spraying her hair with that stupid dry shampoo shit....and we only watched the last half hour.
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
He ended up letting us go, I think he just felt sorry for us. It's the only time that my night's gotten worse after I've taken my pants off.
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
I am going to buy some m-80's and keep a bucket of them in the bathroom. That way I can just depth charge the toilet before each time I use it. Lets see how those snakes like cheap Chinese explosives
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
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