You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.
I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
just went to my meeting with last nights make up still on, not wearing a bra, and the 14 shot tallies still on my wrist.. My advisor's questions should be answered as to why I'm not in my major yet.
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
I want to own their dicks and all the attachments
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
Randomize
