im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
I'm skeptical of all drag queens.
I cut my penus on the lid.
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong
I’m a go ahead and fuck down ATL. So when I leave in January I’ll have no regrets.
I STUDIED GEOGRAPHY I KNOW THIS SHIT!! DON'T YOU DARE QUESTION MY AUTHORITY ON GLACIAL DEPOSITION AGAIN BITCH!!
Randomize
