I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
So bad news they put a private property sign on the tiger.
Until they install cameras or armed security i'll ride the fuck out of that jungle cat.
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
He brought over a bottle of tequila and a box of donuts with the Plan B, so I guess you could say things are getting pretty serious.
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
Randomize
