i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
that was probably me. ive bitten a lot of people.
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
I am VERY upset that you called my fiesta a waste of time.
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
Randomize
