Lol speaking of weird...he just sent me a naked pic of himself that said "meow" at the bottom.
i just saw a white kid with an afro using a martini shaker as a coffee thermos. go college.
I just looked at the maps icon on my IPhone and "eR" was typed in the search address bar. I wonder if we ever got there.
There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
At our floor meeting the RA was talking about bathroom hygiene and I really wanted to be like "what about shower sex."
Valid question
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
I can't put those talents on a resume
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
Randomize
