so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
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