I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
THE BIG GAY MAD HATTER IS HERE AND HE HAS DRUGS IN HIS PANTS FOR YOU. COME DOWNSTAIRS BITCHEZZZZ
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
I'm mentally preparing myself to hang out with him by staring into the mirror saying "thou shalt not get naked" over and over.
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
I made a powerpoint to trip to.
you are so studious.
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
You need to go! It’s a midwestern wedding - the single girls out there think life ends at 25 if they don’t have a picket fence and family. That’s when your penis introduces himself
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