I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
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