those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
summer is not the time to consider going full bush.
Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
No. I still stand by my previous statement that nachos and tequila is the breakfast of champions.
i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
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