I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
Can you send me a pic of you vag, I'm sexting the guy and he wants a pic but I didnt shave
dude are you serious?
I know you already have a pic on your phone
bad idea #53- masterbating while on period.
I got to the point where it seemed like she had 8 giant breasts instead of just two
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
It would have been the trifecta of dick for her.
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
So, I'm tripsitting Ruben cause he's on LSD, and he's starting to eat the chair because 'it is evil' according to him... I can't choose: should I stop him or film it?
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
Sorry, I was watching the Olympic story about the Canadian guy and drinking out of the prescription bottle and crying because it was so beautiful.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
Randomize
