Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
I hate him but I love him for what he does which is me
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
Randomize
