actually, I'm a sock model
His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
Just seen a lady with the back of her head shaved and the rest of her hair in a pony tail like a sumo wrestler with a 6 inch glass dolphin hair clip. Nothing is going to ruin my day.
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
Halloween is the end of the singles holidays they don't start again until st. Patrick's day we better get wifed up or it's going to be a long winter lol
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
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