What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
Tonight just try not to threaten to pee on the hot guys buying us drinks....please..
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
Randomize
