dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
This could be one of the worst things i've done... The background of her phone is her and her boyfriend.
Tim john just told us the story about him losing his virginity at 14 during church on the emergency exit staircase. This is day drinking?
Update. He just picked me up and tried to demonstrate
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
Dad's teaching me to make moonshine this weekend as "college prep". How scared should I be sis?
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
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