Paul doesn't remember going to the bar and slept on someone's porch...doesn't know whose porch...maybe near Howard U.
it was beautiful and magic like when a hot girl grabs her own tits and smiles at you
totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
and when he finished he handed me a baby wipe so i could clean up. i'm ok with the fact that he has kids, but not sure how to react to this.
I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
Like I said I'm looking on the bright side. The bright side just happens to be filled with penis attached to hot marines
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
Two run-ins with cops/park rangers tonight and now I'm just wandering around high and shirtless
Sacramento doesn't deserve you
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
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