so then we both started to do the walk of shame and she didnt realize we had fucked in her apartment until some lady said hi to her in the elevator
you didnt stop her?
too entertaining
is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
I'm glad your nude photos turned out "classy" but you cannot hang them in the living room.
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
Nothing like casual arson to brighten your day
it’s my vagina i can do what i want to
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
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