Just invented new drinking game watching Hocus Pocus... everytime they say "virgin" wetake a shot and yell out "to j****"
Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
diet's not working. come over. i need someone to fuck the hungry out of me.
Seriously your house is like the underground railroad for unwanted gay kids
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
I round house kicked her emotions in the face
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
Why is it that the asexual in our group is the one that gets laid the most often??
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
Randomize
