Wow so rude I was trying to have an orgy later but whatever
I think having sex with you would be a great treat for us
you guys got to bein so kosher and go with the flow
Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
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