I lost my shoes and bra and was beyond mapquesting
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
She was sitting there stuffing her face rubbing my back with a dorito cheese filled hand while eating something else with the other hand as I was crying.
Also, I threw up on the playground again. I've honestly had more fun there this past summer than I did in my entire childhood.
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
TACOBELL COOL RANCH TACOS MARCH 7TH. I think realistically that will be more like valentines day for us. Bc nothing says romance like tacobell.
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
Randomize
