You can tell alot about a person by their poo.. For example, he was a smoker.
best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
MTV running anti-sexting commercials is a slap in the face to everything our generation has accomplished.
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
I did shrooms last night. My drug checklist is complete, I can finally graduate.
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
Whenever you feel bad about your life, just remember the time I tried to swim while high and thought for a minute I was genuinely drowning
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
We're like a dynamic duo.
Bisexual and Proud, Lesbian and Loud.
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
How did I get up here...did jesus lift me up
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
Randomize
