FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
It was like getting head from an anaconda
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
There is an alarming amount of urine in here.
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
I laid naked in his bed as he brought me an ice cream sandwich so I would say everything worked out great
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
Randomize
