I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
He said "I wish they sold 40's in bars".. and a business plan came to mind. Maybe I CAN do something with my degree...
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
you'll be horrified to know he's visiting next weekend
You two are a rollercoaster of sex and silence.
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
I just think his face would be more attractiveif it was framed by my thighs
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
FOUND MY PANTIES COMINY JOME
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
Randomize
