Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
Now I'll never know if Megan finds a millionaire.
ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
I should have been more specific when I asked for 8 inches.
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
View of Vancouver Bay is obscured though the greasy hand prints from fucking against the window. Tip maid well.
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
Randomize
