Rub youre cunt and tell me you love me.
Your incorrect use of you're doesn't arouse me in the slightest.
We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
I think I just need to sleep with both of them to see which I want to date.
You just went from promiscuous to slut in 3.2 seconds.
I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
So not only did team sweden fail to particpate in any drinking game but i also found puke in my viking helmet this morning.
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
I just want somewhere where I can sit down, without changing my clothes, that will serve me breakfast food and booze. Is that too much to ask?
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
She's seen your dick through your pants. You don't need to ask
Remember that St. Patrick's Day when I fucked your married coworker in his truck and the whole bar was chanting for you "Don't fuck Mike"?! #TheLuckOfTheIrish 🍀
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
Randomize
