im sorry i didnt take advantage of you..iwaned to
i wanted you to too
I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
the amount of chicks and firearms here is unnerving. this will end awesomely or at the morgue.
He barged in the room with no shirt on, all fucking ripped with a half keg under one arm. Sara now calls him Bronan the Beerbarian
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
Randomize
