Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
I am soup sandwich. I have been at dAnce party
Bob the builder, bob the uilder bob the builder bbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbjbbbbbiotch!pp!!!!
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
last final went out with a bang.. 20 min late bra-less, cum in my hair and i still cant find my shoes.
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
Shelly has the weirdest luck. Dude offered her a job riding a bucking bronco and it was not porn or stripping but an actual g-d cow.
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