Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
Found your dick twin last night
we found him. outside on the balcony, sitting on a bucket, with his pants off, swearing he was'nt taking a dump
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
As I read your response saying I need a tan before I can become a go-go dancer, a girl cane up to work and gave me 10 coupons for 100 days of tanning for a dollar.
This is fate. You were destined to be a stripper.
You very well can't change your mind now. It would upset the natural flow of life.
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
Why would you ask him if you could lick his chest?
He has a very lickable chest
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