i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
i love accidental penises.
he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
She's still here. My penis can feel it.
Dude, I think she left with some dude like an hour ago
FOUND HER. I swear this thing is like a metal-detector
Randomize
