New first...just saw an entire family of homeless hitch hikers...kids and all. God, i love Oklahoma!
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
Well, I can't relate. I have no idea what it feels like to withhold sex. Or have self-control in general.
The size of her vagina has nothing to do with the size of her heart bro
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
he paid for dinner at the eiffel tower. drinks at a bar on the champs elysees. gave me a motorcycle ride back to his house, got us heineken and then took me to park overlooking paris. where he ate me out on a park bench. still have doubts about the french?
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
Randomize
