I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
Also do the "tongue the pee-hole" thing.
Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
Well, I plan on starting the night dressed as little red riding hood. Then I plan on finishing the night dressed as a shit show in a red cape.
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
How bout we save the 40s for when we FINISH the project this time..
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
omg last night while walking home from your house I stole a seatless bike and carried it into my next door neighbors kitchen.. we just looked It up online it's an antique and worth $500 dollars
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